In 2022, there’s no reason why an online concert in a digital space should look like it’s a slideshow running on a PlayStation 2, but that’s what metal got during this past weekend’s online Ozzfest fiasco.

Hosted in Decentraland entirely for free on Mark Zuckerberg’s insanely expensive virtual reality project the Metaverse, the virtual bastardization of a once mighty metal festival was a hodge podge of lazy bullshit.

Featuring “performances” by The Raven Age, Britof, Skid Row, Megadeth, Black Label Society, Motorhead, and Ozzy Osbourne, the VR show *could have been *cool, but what we got was either the chance to watch YouTube videos of the song in question, or to see a digital facsimile of either Lemmy or Ozzy stiffly “performing” on stage. No backing band, just the two legendary performers looking stiff as hell.

As you can see in the videos below, the visuals weren’t that exciting, with the type of set design and visual appeal that would fit better in Guitar Hero than what this ended up being. Couple that with the supremely cringe banners shouting things like “Welcome to the Metalverse” (get it) and “rock your fucking heads” next to literal ads for crypto and NFTs, and you’ve got the corporate capatlist hellscape that this thing was bound to be from the start.

Now, I know what you’re saying — “why are you so bent out of shape about this bullshit?” And my simple answer is that this could have been so much better. Pop and electronica artists have been performing in virtual spaces for a while now and have been putting on super cool performances. And they’re actual performances, not prerecorded shit or the studio track. Take the game Fortnite, for example. They’ve managed to put on some really interesting shows from a visual standpoint.

If you’re going to bring Lemmy back from the dead — even digitally — at least make it fucking cool.