I was already too old to get into Paramore by the time they blew up — I was a college student, and dismissed them as emo while listening to, fuck, Neutral Milk Hotel or Dragonforce or something else no better than Paramore — but man, they are fucking popular (and, due to their popularity, hated be a slew of metal and punk fans on the Internet)! And now, surrounding their appearance at this year’s emo-nostaligc When We Were Young festival, the band will be touring the U.S. this fall.

Tickets for the trek go on sale this Sunday, July 17th, at 1pm EST, via this website. We hope the band’s fans are stoked, and we are fully prepared for the slew of angry comments about how this isn’t metal and we’re EmoSucks now. But guess what, guys, joke’s on you, because I don’t even know any fucking Paramore songs, they’re just a band vaguely tied to the metalcore scene for me, so your criticisms mean nothing to me (or anyone, really, but me specifically)!

Catch Paramore at one of the following dates:

October 2, 2022 – Bakersfield, CA – Mechanics Bank Theater
October 4, 2022 – Magna, UT – The Great SaltAir
October 6, 2022 – Omaha, NE – Orpheum Theater Omaha
October 8, 2022 – Oklahoma City, OK – The Criterion
October 9, 2022 – Austin, TX – Austin City Limits
October 11, 2022 – Chesterfield, MO – The Factory
October 14, 2022 – Bonner Springs, KS – Azura Amphitheater*
October 16, 2022 – Austin, TX – Austin City Limits^
October 22, 2022 – Las Vegas, NV – When We Were Young Festival^
October 23, 2022 – Las Vegas, NV – When We Were Young Festival^
October 29, 2022 – Las Vegas, NV – When We Were Young Festival^
November 7, 2022 – Toronto, ON – HISTORY
November 9, 2022 – Chicago, IL – The Chicago Theatre
November 11, 2022 – Cincinnati, OH – The Andrew J Brady Music Center
November 15, 2022 – Atlanta, GA – Tabernacle
November 16, 2022 – St. Augustine, FL – The St. Augustine Amphitheatre
November 19, 2022 – Mexico City, MX – Corona Capital Festival^